The Pseudobulbar Affect

       The Pseudobulbar Affect is defined as "emotional lability, labile affect or emotional incontinence. Refers to a neurologic disorder characterized by involuntary crying or uncontrollable episodes of crying and/or laughing, or other emotional displays." So basically what that means is something triggers an emotion within you and you react in a way that you can't control, like uncontrollable laughter. Everyone experiences this to some degree at some point in their life. Usually this happens when we are among friends and can find a way to remove ourselves from the situation by simply leaving the room. Well not for me! I was stuck on a fully loaded airplane.

       I have to start by introducing you to a friend of mine. He was a member of my department for over 34 years, and was influential in starting our band. He is a jack of all trades, master on none type and really enjoys making people laugh; hence my problem on the plane. Although some of these stories will seem like I'm beating him up, I really do have tons respect for this man and his family. Since this friend will appear in so many of these stories I find that I must give him a name. For the purpose of these stories we will call him The Diver. Now this name is not a stretch by any means, it just not his real name.

       In September 2008 The Diver and I traveled out to Colorado Springs for the IAFF Fallen Firefighters memorial. He is obviously very interested in deep sea diving, hence the name. Well apparently the dive company he works for has a national head quarters in Fort Collins, Colorado. He was very excited about heading up there from the Springs. Me not so much. On the plane ride into the Springs from Boston I ended up in the last seat on the plane. This twisted my back up pretty good and I really was not interested in jumping in a crappy rental car for the two hour ride to Fort Collins. I did anyway because that's what The Diver wanted to do. I thought maybe it would be interesting to visit the headquarters of a national dive company. I thought we would check out some cool equipment maybe even do a little diving. Well...There is NO DIVING in Fort Collins! This place was nothing but a giant warehouse full of safety pamphlets and handouts. I mean think about it. The closest ocean is 1200 miles away, why on earth did either one of us ever think there would be diving in Fort Collins? Once again The Diver sucked me into one of his hair brained ideas, just like the time we went to watch a band competition at the IBEW local hall wearing matching green shirts and red kilts. We weren't competing, we were watching. We were the only ones looking like Christmas, wearing kilts. Oh, so embarrassing. I would continue to bust on him for the next five days telling everyone we came across that "There's No Diving in Fort Collins." At one point I think he was ready to choke me out. I thought it was funny. You ever tell a joke so much that it becomes funny? Yea that's me. I'm sure it bugs the heck out of people, but I tend to get a kick out of myself. Don't worry, The Diver would get the last laugh. Well the last one before the plane ride home.

Fly Fishing the Arkansas river in September 2008

We decided before we left we would spend a day fly fishing the Arkansas River. Yes, the Arkansas is in Colorado, I know I thought the same thing. That morning we woke up early to head out. We brought three other friends with us, two of which had never been fly fishing before and thought it would be fun. Little did we know the fun would be on me. By the time we got to the river my back pain was pretty much gone. Up until this point I thought it was the plane ride. Oh how I was mistaken. Have you ever had Kidney Stones? Yup you got it, I was passing stones out in the middle of nowhere. I figured I would just tough it out, they offered to take me back but I didn't want to ruin the trip. I dressed in my neoprene (I was much thinner then) and head out into the water. To be honest the cold water felt great if you know what I mean. I made my way up river and the pain began to be unbearable. I remember thinking if I just pass this stone I'll be fine, good to go. The problem was actually passing this brick! I attempted to fish for about a half hour and decided I would walk to the opposite bank and try to pass the stone. Without all the gory details, I lost my favorite sunglass, the biggest fish I had ever hooked, and passed the stone. I was right, I was a new man and thought this day was about to turn around. It turned around alright. As I headed back to where the rest were fishing I noticed a woman in green khakis. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was a game warden. I thought holy crap, what else could go wrong. We were all licensed so I really wasn't too worried, but the way things had gone so far on this trip anything was possible. She had the others lined up on the shore and was waving me to make my way to them. The current was strong and swift to the point you could easily be swept away. I was trying to get over as fast as I could. She seemed a little peeved that I was not moving a little faster, she kept looking and threw out the occasional wave for me to get over there, like I didn't see her the first time. I kept thinking, is this lady serious right now? I'm gonna kill myself just so she could check my fishing license? By the time I got to the shore the rest of the group was on the ground laughing. As it turned out she wasn't planning on waiting for me at all and she packed up and left.  I'm pretty sure they planned this whole thing knowing what I was going through. All I could do was laugh, even though I wanted to cry. I turned to The Diver and like a child said, "There's No Diving in Fort Collins."

After a great week and a beautiful memorial service it was time to head back home. We are to fly from Colorado Springs to Dallas Fort Worth and then on to Boston. The Plane from Dallas Fort Worth was packed and this would be like the fourth time ever on a plane so I was still a little nervous. The Diver knew I wasn't fully comfortable on the plane so he began to tell his never-ending jokes. Most of his jokes are extremely funny but I have heard everyone of them at least 6 times so I know them by heart. We began to talk and giggle about the trip, how the day went on the Arkansas. He was doing a good job of putting my mind at ease, well at least until we turned on the TV in the headrest in front of us. It was a segment from the David Letterman show. The segment featured the kids from Piedmont High School. They were the top 3 winners in the bird calling championships. Although I only remember the first and second entries. This was so ridiculous I completely lost it! This is a real competition. They have teams of two to three high school aged kids and, in an animated way they recreate bird calls. If you haven't seen this you have no idea how funny this is. These kids take this competition very serious. The first group was a brother and sister doing the American White Pelican. This would get me started. These two would begin to wave their arms up and down and eek and crow in unison while also bouncing up and down. It was really pretty funny. Now I'm chuckling pretty good and not only The Diver noticed. The next group of kids was comprised of three girls. They would do the Black-Bellied Sand Grouse. This one is what did it! The three girls stood in a semi circle sort of facing each other and began flailing their arms making this craziest noises all while bouncing up and down shaking and swinging their heads from side to side. Their hair just flipping and swimming through the air. Then to make it worse they replayed it in slow motion. When I saw the replay I began laughing so loud and hard people were jumping out of their seats. I tried to stop but every time I did they would show the slow motion again. I remember looking over through the tears in my eyes at this lady a few rows up and to the middle of the plane. She was staring with this angry look. That just made me laugh even harder. This laughter would go on for at least ten to fifteen minutes. Just as I would calm down The Diver would just crank me back up again by shaking his head and making his own ridiculous bird noise. I truly couldn't get control of myself. Soon the flight attendant would come over and ask if we were ok. The Diver tried to explain to her what had happened and why. For some reason he felt compelled to tell her "by the way, did you know there is no diving in Fort Collins?' Now I'm trying to hold the laughter in with my hands like my mouth is a leaky faucet. She just looked at us with a blank stare on her face, and asked us to try to quiet down as she walked up the aisle. Once again, like a sound from a bullhorn, I died right there. This was some serious laughter. I kept trying to apologize but couldn't get the words out it was so bad. Soon the angry people on the plane began laughing with me. Some even clapped. Really it began to be catchy. One guy walked by and gave The Diver high five. Even the angry lady would turn and give a smile. After a good twenty minutes or so I was finally able to gain my composure. I had truly experienced emotional incontinence and I was relieved it was over. Is there a moral to this story? No, not really, but I did learn one thing through all of this. There definitely is no diving in Fort Collins.

Peter